I’ve Not Been Entirely Honest…

I’ve spoken about my mental health a few times before and I’ve been more open to you guys than I have with my own GP. I was diagnosed with severe depression and memory loss a couple of years ago (but have been living with it for much longer) but I’ve never been completely honest with my GP about what I’ve been through to get me to this point. I’ve only ever told her just enough to get some help. Which is stupid, isn’t it? How can I expect to get help without her knowing exactly what’s ‘wrong’ with me and going on inside my head?

I’m convinced that if I tell my GP the whole truth that I’ll be diagnosed with much more than depression – and that’s terrifying. But I also don’t want to go back to suddenly tell her the truth and it gets brushed off (which is why I never told her in the first place).

At the moment, my treatment is a case of turning up once a month, reviewing how I feel and how I think my medication is helping, if it isn’t helping enough then my dose gets doubled. I then carry on as well as I can for another month, and another month and so on. I know it isn’t enough and that I need much more help than I’m getting – but how can I expect it if my GP doesn’t even know what my mental state actually is?

I’ve been offered to be referred for CBT, which I’ve agreed to and am hopeful about. While medication helps, it definitely doesn’t have the effect that both me and my little family need. I know I have to be completely truthful to get anywhere and maybe one day I will be… I definitely want to be, anyway. I think I’ll find it easier to tell the whole story when I start my CBT as it’ll be like starting from scratch with what I talk about… blank canvas!

Have you ever struggled to get the help you need? How did you overcome it?

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