A few months ago, I realised that I’ve lost a huge part of myself and, lately, I’ve felt lost for what route to take next. Since I was little, I have been a writer. I started writing poems, stories and scripts in my bedroom as a child and was at my happiest when I had either a notebook or computer in front of me. I lived inside my head a lot and still do.
It took me years to realise that being a writer was more than a hobby and could be an actual job; it is an actual job. When I was 16, I had no direction at all, and I couldn’t pinpoint what I wanted to do with my life. But then, when I was flicking through a college prospectus, I came across some media courses. There was only one that stood out to me and during my time at college and then university, I discovered that I could do it.
A couple of years ago, I decided to take the plunge and officially go self-employed. While being a stay-at-home-dad, I was writing in my spare time and earning some money from it too. Work started to pick up very quickly and it was going brilliantly; I landed myself some clients and quite a few became long-term, consistent work.
But then in the summer of 2018, I made a complete U-turn. We had been saving to buy our first home for a little while and we had gathered the savings much quicker than we thought. The problem? I needed 3 years of accounts for our mortgage application and we didn’t want to face waiting another year or so. We decided that for the sake of the mortgage that I would get a job; because we would then be able to apply within just a couple of months. It worked, because by September we had put an offer down on our home.
My writing since then, for the past 8 months or so, has been non-existent. I have either been working, being a stay-at-home-parent or simply too knackered to work anymore. Buying our first home has literally cost me the biggest part of who I am as well as all my clients.
For a while I have ignored how putting my career on the backburner has made me feel but I’ve been stuck. Having the safety net of a job that provides a guaranteed income won over the fear of not having any income while I grow again. But I’ve taken the leap before so I can do it again, right? Just this time, I have a mortgage and (costly) renovations to think about too.
I’m now starting from scratch again but I’m getting my arse back into gear and rediscovering my love for writing all over again. For the meantime, I will fit it in with my employed work (as my rota has recently changed, giving me slightly more time) and focus on what makes me… me, not just working to pay the bills. Hopefully, later in the year, I can get back to where I was and writing everyday and being lucky to call it my job.
This year, I’m making it my mission to go back to being self-employed, work on my book(s), develop more ideas and just write. Nothing makes me happier than the possibility of writing for the rest of my life; something I love doing enabling me to provide for my family.