“Are we ready?”, I’ve lot count how many times we asked ourselves this when we were expecting. But not just when we had Joshua (our little ‘surprise’) but also when we were trying for baby number two!
But, honestly? No. I don’t believe anyone truly is.
We planned to have Oliver and tried for a few short months before we found out that we were expecting. But yet, we still had those moments of, “fuck, are we ready for life with two kids?”, “will we cope?”, “should we of finished renovating first?”, “should we of built up our savings first?” My point is, there were a million reasons why we shouldn’t have had another baby. But there were a million others for why we should.
Income doesn’t matter – everyone is always one step away from losing their job, instability and something draining the savings that you worked so hard to build up. If we waited until we had enough savings or ‘enough’ income, I think most people would never get there.
Yes, of course, having savings can be a great help but it is most definitely not the be all to end all. We have never been in fantastic financial standing when we had either of our two kids, however they have never gone without what they needed (or wanted) – and neither have we! I’m not telling you to not have savings, but don’t let it control you. At the end of it, do what you need to feel safer.
Owning a home doesn’t matter – a lot of couples feel like they should have a mortgage, as if it will make them feel more secure. The truth is, it doesn’t. It may make you feel more at home and give you a sense of ‘yours’ but you never quite feel secure. A home, whether it’s rented or mortgaged, can be taken from you. You are never completely ‘safe’ whatever your housing situation is.
Don’t have children too young, but don’t have them when you are over 30. Buy a house first. Start your career first, but don’t wait until you have your dream job because you will find it hard leaving. Don’t have children too early into your relationship, but don’t wait too long either. Have at least two children, but don’t have too many.
We are constantly being told when we should or should not have babies.
There is never a right time to grow your family, unless it works for you, and Susan next door will always have an opinion on whether she reckons you should or not.
In the end, all that matter is that it will all snap into place. You have 40-42 weeks to get ready, freak out, convince yourself that you are not ready for this but then realise you will be okay (spoiler: you better be, this baby ain’t waiting for no-one).
It will all work out in the end and all your baby ever needs is a warm place to sleep and love – buckets of love. You are never truly ready to bring your little bundle home, how could you ever prepare for something so big? But you do what you can and you will wonder why you ever doubted yourself.